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Haute and Bothered

IS age just a number when it comes to Menopause?

Updated: Oct 25, 2021

We are all in the same metaphorical boat; afloat very different Oceans. Our journeys will differ vastly; while so many of our questions are the same.


That's where this blog comes in- by sharing our stories, we support and help each other navigate this phase of our lives.


Okay, I'll start-



The women in my family don't lie about their age.

"Age is just a number."

~as long as you look at least a decade younger than that number. Joking. - sort of.

You get it.


Now, before you get all judge-y and sprung, let me give you a little background.


Both of my Great-Grandmothers died young. Consequently, my grandmothers swore not to go the same way and stayed healthy and brimming with vitality into their 70’s and 80’s until, suddenly, they didn't. They suffered horribly in the last few years of their lives. One with Alzheimers and the other with a mysterious and debilitating systemic condition that lingered after a stroke.


So, my Mother's generation and now mine, are on the same, live better-longer plan and so far, each generation is besting the one before it.


"Vanity is a powerful motivator for maintaining good health". Dr. Nicolas Perricone

Thanks to great genes, sunscreen, designer jeans and a freakish love of 1990's Mugler and Vivienne Westwood, I'm very healthy.


My Western Physicians say that I am "young for my age" and my Eastern Practitioners report that my physiological age is 9-10 years fewer than my chronological age.


"Age is just a number." Isn't it...? Menopause starts around 50+. Doesn’t it?


This is where things started to get wonky for me and I had to start doing the math.


I'm 46 and 9/12ths.

Otherwise known as 75% of 46; 46 and 3/4ths; okay- almost 47.


Oh, how delightful, for the first time in my life, my age seems to matter (youth was all about borrowed car keys and fake IDs) now, here I am calculating and documenting vitals (down to the day), including my first, last and past 3 years of menstrual history. Not easy for someone that has never been "regular".


So, here are the numbers:

This is the 12th consecutive month- to the week- that I haven't had a full-on period.

On the nose.


Now, I know this for sure because this month, last year, was the first month that I couldn't get an "ovulating" reading with the ovulation tests that I reverse engineered into my contraception practice to tell me when to be very careful with my gentleman friend because my already irregular periods had become wildly unpredictable.

And, I haven't had a period since- not a drop.


This is also the first week that I have nearly spontaneously combusted every night.

Every. DAMN. Night.

A dozen or so strange, “hot episodes” occurred randomly and were dismissed as a million other things- stress, anxiety, a hangover... after 2 drinks.... weird. Anyway, you get the gist.


According to my Gynecologist friend, my friend's Gynecologist, Google, @MenopauseBarbie, my Mother, my boyfriend's best friend's wife's friend's Dula, and all of the women at my last Bar Method Class, I am in MENOPAUSE.


Not Peri-Menopause, Menopause.

THE Grand Dame, Mme M, Lady M, Madam Menopause has entered, stage left and is here to stay.

I was stunned.

Could this be? Without warning... I though that hot flashes meant the start....

No stop at GO, No Collect $200, no, no, nothing. No warning...?!?!


What about Peri-Menopause?


Apparently, I may have slid right through that part and didn't notice that my ovaries were sputtering and flaming out because irregular periods were regular for me and I didn't have the accompanying hot flashes that you hear about during peri-menopause.

Plus, I was too YOUNG... right?

Wrong.


All that I can think of is that my cycles were VERY irregular for a few years prior but that wasn't alarming because my cycles were often a week or so early or late...give or take... never been an every 4th Tuesday at 11am, girl.


So, did I miss the signs and fail at peri-menopause?


Well, we'll see about that- I have an appointment with my Gynecologist tomorrow at 9:30am. Anything I should ask?


Whats the over/under on my starting my period over night?


Ta- à bientôt!






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